The Lie I Thought Was God's Voice

May I share with you what God did for me during a season of career transition?

I'd been struggling, with a LOT of fear about my income after choosing to step into God's calling to become a Christian life coach.

Over and over again I'd sat with God and confessed this overwhelming fear and begged him to remove it, but it didn't seem like anything was changing. I kept cycling through a pattern of fear and confession which led to brief periods of renewed trust and peace only to cycle right back into fear when my circumstances (i.e. income) didn't line up with my expectations.

I asked questions like these: God, why aren't you doing this faster? Did you really call me? Did I do something wrong?

The Scorekeeper

The breakthrough started during a discussion about inner conflict (yup, I certainly had that) and with an exercise to identify the parts of my soul that were part of the conflict. I sat with this for quite a while, examining the thoughts I was having when the fear was at it's worst. I tried to name the part of me that didn't seem to fully trust God and was completely freaking out. After trying a few different names I landed on "The Scorekeeper" for this anxious, fearful part of my soul.

You see, what was happening in my thoughts, was a repeated pattern where I would examine my recent activities and evaluate whether I had "done enough" to feel that I deserved peace, love and rest. That Scorekeeper part of me could only relax when it felt like I had produced "enough". If it was satisfied then I could relax and rest, if not, the fear and anxiety persisted and caused me to keep "doing". It was exhausting.

The Table

I was introduced to an exercise called "The King's Table" where you visualize a round table with Jesus seated there and you invite the parts of your soul that are in conflict to come to the table, tell Jesus what they feel and need and then listen to what Jesus says to them. It's a beautiful exercise. The aha moment for me was realizing that The Scorekeeper is part of my soul, it's ME, some part of myself that has not fully embraced God's grace, salvation and acceptance and has continued to keep trying to earn what He has already given me.

The Lie

You see, many times when the Scorekeeper was speaking to me I was believing that this voice was the voice of God, that God was driving me to always keep doing more and more and more in order to earn His love and the right to rest. What a lie!! I'm so grateful to God for revealing this lie to me. Once I could see that the voice of the Scorekeeper was not His voice I could start to do what 2 Corinthians 5 says and "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ".

Repentance

During the King's Table exercise Jesus gently invited me to repent of believing this lie. Up to this point I'd always thought of repentance as turning away from explicit sins such as lying, pride, envy etc. But sin is deviating from obedience to God's character and will. By attributing the Scorekeeper's voice to God I had been sinning against Him and this was creating distance between us, leading to my inability to receive His peace to replace my fear. I had never even considered a need to repent for my ungodly thought patterns, like this one, or for lies I've believed, shame I've accepted or identities I've worn that are not from God.

So, I sat with the Lord and repented for believing that He wanted me to keep doing and doing and doing, that this Scorekeeper voice was His voice. And He met me there. He reminded me that I am His beloved daughter and that I can rest in His love, that He is always with me and that He will provide everything I need. Peace flooded my soul. It felt so good to just be held in the arms of my loving heavenly Father and to know that I am fully accepted without having to do a thing.

Rest

Now, I still have work to do, because this Scorekeeper thought pattern is something I've been operating in for a long time and these thoughts continue to come up frequently. BUT, I now know that this is not God's voice, so I can replace those lies with the truth and finally defeat my fear for good.

An Invitation to Lay Down the Scorecard

You may not call your inner voice “The Scorekeeper", but if you feel like you can’t rest, if peace only comes when you’ve done “enough, if obedience has quietly turned into pressure, there may be a lie hiding underneath your fear.

Sometimes anxiety isn’t about circumstances. Sometimes it’s about a false belief we’ve unknowingly attached to God. And sometimes repentance isn’t about behavior — it’s about realigning our thoughts with His truth.

🧭 COMPASS CHECK

Where am I still trying to “earn” peace, rest, or God’s approval through what I do?

📍TRAIL MARKER

God’s voice doesn't demand that I earn what He has already freely given.

👣 FAITHFUL STEP

Notice when “The Scorekeeper” voice shows up and intentionally pause to identify it instead of obeying it.

If you’re weary from striving, suspect you’ve been believing something about God that isn’t actually true, and longing to rest as His beloved instead of earning your place at the table, I would be honored to walk with you.

In coaching, we gently uncover the “voices” driving your fear, bring them into the light with Jesus, and replace lies with truth. Freedom begins when you can recognize what isn’t His voice — and finally hear what is. If this resonates, let’s talk.

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